I watched this video more than a few times. There are parts of me that I like in the video, but as a whole, it’s as frustrating to watch as it was recording it.
I’m still sharing it anyways.
Because I believe it to be a small example of how a negative mindset can directly impact behavior. We hear it all the time, “Think positively, manifest your vision, etc.” Well, this is it. A pure take on how shitty I felt after I blew an audition. I couldn’t even form complete sentences.
Mind you, driving while talking on video was not the smartest thing to do. It should be illegal. That certainly deterred me from thinking straight.
I’m sharing this as well because it’s a moment in time where I had a lot of emotions, thoughts and things to say. Instead of keeping them in, I felt inclined to share my strong opinion.
Since the point of the video – really – was that I didn’t allow myself to share my actual opinion during the audition. I didn’t allow myself to really say what I felt, express Kanika Lal at her core, and not worry about what others thought.
The funny thing IS – this was the type of audition where they wanted that. This is the company where they want ruthless, raw, honest. They want a Kanika – but I brought them a Nikita! (No offense to any Nikitas).
The conditioned Kanika came out. The one that she thinks she is supposed to be. The one she grew up learning to be, was taught to be, was scolded at for NOT being.
This video is not for pity, and it’s not for attention. IT’S TO REMIND MYSELF AND YOU THAT WE HAVE TO TAKE A RISK. It’s also a reminder that I HAVE TO BE MORE GRATEFUL. More importantly, I HAVE TO OWN WHO I AM, AND WHAT I WANT.
Do not vlog and drive in all seriousness. Unless you own a Tesla.